On Parties

So, Pinterest, right?

You know the Pinterest?  I both mildly like and mildly sneer at the Pinterest.

Why do I bring up Pinterest, you may ask?  Maybe because I get paid .0002 cents every time I make a link to Pinterest.  (That's not true, but how cool would that be?!)

Seriously, though, I've found a lot of cool things on Pinterest--mainly recipes that sound awesome.  For example, Paul makes scones every Saturday and last week he made THESE SCONES (scones + girl scout cookie flavors = the only thing I ate last weekend).   Where did we find the recipe?  The Pinterest.

So, good.

What I don't like about Pinterest, however, is the overwhelming craftiness of it all.  It makes me think, "Holy crud, people!  Do we have nothing more to do with our lives than hand-paint hundreds of tiny dots onto a plastic table-cloth that you're going to cover with plates so no one can actually see the tiny dots and then you're going to throw it away?!"

What I'm really trying to talk about here is Parties and the Giving of Them.  And how I pretty much get a stress ulcer just thinking about it.

And then Pinterest has to be all like, "Heyyyy, you wanna throw a real-person party where people will actually like you and enjoy themselves?"

And I'm like,  ::nodding vigorously::

And then it says, "Okay! Then you're going to need to paint your entire living-room to make it look like you're in a tree!

Or, you could individually hand-craft tiny party hats for all your kid's plastic animals.

OR, you could bake a 10 layer rainbow cake that requires you to carefully mix exact shades of things like 'indigo.'

Or, if you want to go 'low key' perhaps you could just settle with reupholstering all your furniture with that cloth you just happen to have left over from that one time you made curtains on which you hand-embroidered your life-sized silhouette doing hip and funny poses...you know, that one afternoon you had twenty minutes of 'down time.'"

What?!  

We're T-minus three days to our "Housewarming Party" here in Aquahaus and I'm an internal basket case.  And so is Paul.

We're like, "I don't know, maybe we need a sheet cake and a couple balloon bouquets?"   It's like the only parties we can think of are the ones our mothers threw us when we turned five.

We just look at each other helplessly in a sort of, "I thought you would know what to do" kind of way and nervously tap our fingers together.

Will people really not be able to have a good time if we just put out cheap plastic cups, some juice, and a game of Uno?   Do I really need to make a custom-calligraphied BINGO game?!  I don't know!  I don't know how to have adult-people parties!

Pinterest says, "I'm not even going to speak to you if that's your plan."


Are people going to even come?  Are people going to even talk to each other?  Do we need to make some sort of schedule of events?  Do I need a dining table (seats 20)?!  Should we have everyone sit in a circle and play "Two Truths and a Lie" like that one time at Girl's Camp?!

Do I really need to make one hundred bite-sized meatloafs on toothpicks or grilled cheese and tomato soup cocktails?  THE PINTEREST SAYS SO!

I think I'll just open the doors and then go hide until it's all over.  I can't handle grown-up parties.