Darn Paul and his Darn Glasses

I'm totally blaming this whole thing entirely on Paul and something he said about a month ago:

I remember it because it was completely and utterly and entirely and freakishly out of character for the man.

He said,

"I think I need to get some of those black-rimmed man-style Tina Fey glasses.  You know those kind?  Oh...and some non-t-shirts."

After hauling my jaw up off the floor, which took a while, because it kept dropping after I'd get it up a little bit, I asked, "WHHYY?  Why now?!  Why are you being style-conscious all the sudden?  What happened to Paul?  Who are you?!"

And he looked at me like a crazy person and said something along the lines of, "I'm not moving to Europe without fashionable glasses and button-up shirts."     Duh.

And that got me to thinking...What will I need before moving to a place like Europe?  What kind of glasses do I need?  What kind of shirts do I NEED?!

And, because I realized that if someone like Paul is thinking about updating his wardrobe, then I sure as heck-fire-in-Hades should be thinking about mine.  And that, unfortunately, took me on an innocent, purely fact-finding perusal of J. Crew online, a place that I also like to call "crackhouse."

These are the fruits of my crackhouse binge thus far... See!  I'm not getting weird strappy leather platform shoes or rainbow patterned dresses or faux fur sequined jackets or anything crazy!  Help me feel validated in my rationale!

...And about thirty minutes later I had put in an order for a black pencil skirt and a silk, rust-colored blouse.   And immediately rationalized thus:  "I don't have a black skirt right now, and that's sort of a staple.  Mix and match and all that.  AND both the skirt and the blouse were on SALE!"

Then, a couple days later, I was notified that the package had shipped and I got a shot of dopamine to the brain with that one.  Which immediately drove me back to the crackhouse "just to see if there are some sweaters on sale" since, you know, sweaters are going to come in handy on the Baltic!  And, I had also made the mistake of looking through a bunch of articles about "Having a minimal wardrobe" and "The 10 Pieces of a Classic Closet" and "How to Have 159 Outfits Using Just 3 Socks and a Little Black Dress."

Thirty minutes later, guess who had another two sweaters coming her way?  In a nice, classic neutral and a hip-length, button-up white.    Crack. House. I tell you what.

And then today, I put on my favorite green pants and thought, "I love these pants!  They fit so well!  The only problem is...they're bright green.  Not exactly a 'classic closet' color.... Or a Baltic color.  Or a 'winter lasts about 8 months there color...hmmm.'"

Aaaaaaaand, within an hour I had ordered an exact replica of my green pants in khaki...and a classic (it's CLASSIC so it's OKAY!) white dress-shirt...and...and...I was only $20 away from the free shipping promotional code...so...so...I might also have ordered a long-sleeved, boat-neck striped tee (ON SALE) and.... a tank top.  But, you see, it's the same kind of tank top as my favorite tank tops that I've had for 6 years now, but in a different color.

And I got the free shipping!  Which is no small deal when you're talking about the Crackhouse's shipping rates.

And, guys, I live in a clothing wasteland.  Really!  I promise!  All I have within a three hour drive out here is Walmart and Ross!  And that's just not going to fly if Paul is getting man-style Tina Fey glasses!

And... it's Europe okay?  And, I got un-laid-off from my job along with a raise in my salary. And, and, I promise I'll stop before it gets insane.  And...I just need to get a couple...just a few...more things.  But, don't worry.  I have a plan that I like to call The Plan and I'll tell you about it later.

In the mean time, if you have any disapproval floating around in your mind right now, you should direct it at Paul and Tina Fey.