German used to be sexy.
I mean that literally. If you had a fiance that would whisper sweet German nothings into your ear while you sat on a blanket underneath the stars...you'd think it was sexy, too.
But, I'm here to tell you that German is sexy no more.
I've been more than unusually grateful throughout my life that my first language was English because I'm 100% convinced that it is one of the most annoyingly difficult languages ever cobbled together. It seems only appropriate then that another Germanic language would end up being just as difficult--especially since it's the most "German"ic of the Germanics.
You know, actually, I think I'd have to say that Chinese is probably the most annoyingly difficult language ever....now that I think about it... Well, I'll cross that linguistic bridge when I get to it...
The point I'm trying to make is that German is a beast. Yeah, yeah, I may not have been able to read much Japanese, but at least I could pronounce it!
It's just cruel to be taking an Intro to German course and have to deal with this word the second week of class:
Entschuldigen
What?! I'm pretty sure that the second week of learning Spanish I was just getting into "cinco." In Japanese, I was probably still learning the alphabet. But, in German, apparently, there's nothing much easier than a beast like "entschuldigen."
I imagine that Germany is a place where six month old infants are using five syllable words to simply say what a nice, linguistically conservative American baby would know as "::grunt::."
Also, I find it more than a little terrifying that I cannot actually, physically get my mouth to produce the word that means "to speak." I cannot speak "speak"! I am unable to actually make noises that even resemble the phrase, "I cannot speak German." At this point, I've decided that it would be just as effective to communicate this same idea by turning to a German person, waving my arms around, and yelling, "YAGABALOOLOO!"
Sprechen. Sprechen. Sprechen. It looks simple, doesn't it? But, you see, there's a point in that word...somewhere between Sp- and -en that requires my tongue and throat to do something like...something....I don't even know how to describe that.
Also, w's are v's now. Oh, and s's are z's, but only when they're at the beginning of a word. Unless there are two ss's in row, then it's just an s. But that never happens at the beginning of a word anyway! And guess what! V's are f's. Bet you didn't see that one coming. Haaha! haaahahahaha! Hahahahahahahahh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
no.
I'm sure it will be fine. It will be juuuuust fiiiiine. I mean, it's not like I can't say anything in German. I can say, "Heidi," for example. And there are a few comfort words I've discovered--words that I can actually say and know what they mean:
Bitte = please = bit-uh
Danke = thank you = dahnk-uh
Pfeffer = pepper = feffer
Danke = thank you = dahnk-uh
Pfeffer = pepper = feffer
"FEFFER!" I say, in triumph. Every time I say FEFFER, it gives me hope.
German is a damn sexy language. You know, to hear - not to use. On the little plus side, I read this post out loud to my husband, because I kept laughing, and apparently you don't need to know how to say sprechen to say I don't speak German. Just "Ich kann kein Deutsch" or "I can't German." I don't know why that works, but apparently it does. While I'm a little concerned that he was unable to get the actual point of your post, I suppose that's good to know.
ReplyDeleteWait, you can't say the -ch- but you CAN say the pf? ;) Usually the latter is trickier. Which is to say, you may actually be a bit of German pronunciation savant. Just sayin'...
ReplyDeleteHave you studied any languages besides German? (The "r" in Sprechen is actually the same as a French "r," but that may not be any help.)
ReplyDeleteSpanish and Japanese...so I think I'm up a creek.
ReplyDeleteYou might be suffering from a linguistic condition known as Glottal Sputum Deficiency (GSD). The only known treatment is regular saliva transfusions, so if you need a donor, let me know. And at least your parents named you Heidi and not, like, Thawasha or something!
ReplyDeleteOn a more serious note, when I get frustrated with my lack of fluency, I always take comfort in reminding myself that when I meet a foreigner who is trying to speak English, I feel nothing but goodwill toward them in their efforts, regardless of how bad their accent/grammar/vocabulary is. Most of the time they can get their point across. ALSO, you've only been doing this for how long? With an online class? You're going to be practically native by this time next year.
Thawasha will be the name of my firstborn--representing my frustrations with German. Or...it will be the hamster.
ReplyDeleteOn a more serious note to your serious note, I hope they're nice. I had a good experience when I tried to buy strawberries (erdbeeren) at the marketplace. I was like, "Ein...nennnnn....errrddd...berrr...ennnn?"
And the woman just smiled and said, "Ja. Errrrddddberrrennn. Ja ja. Erdberren!"
And then I gave her money and she gave me strawberries--so it was a victory on all sides!