I Think We're Gonna Be Okay

 Today I went to a baby shower.  It was for me.

I'm generally the kind of person who tries to avoid situations where people do stuff for me (probably to the point of being obnoxious about it).  I try to keep my birthday on the quiet, for example.  I don't know why...  I always really enjoy the parties I go to for other people and really cherish the times when others have given me, say, surprise birthdays (my "Double-Dos" Birthday--yes, I still remember, Dani-- is one of the most purely joyful memories of my life).  So, I was trying to figure it all out and I think it's because I worry that sometimes people may just be doing something for me because they feel obligated to, not because they really want to?

I guess I'd rather be a want to kind of friend in the minds of others rather than a have to. 

I don't mean to blabber on with excessive navel gazing here.  I just want to say that, well, I try not to expect much, socially I mean, because I'm afraid that if I expect a lot then I will just end up discovering that I don't have many (any?) want to friends and that discovery would just destroy me.  I'd rather not try to figure it out sometimes, just in case.  Safer that way.

So, back to this baby shower.  For me.

I...almost cried.  A lot?  I'm pretty sure I did a really good job of hiding it.  But from the minute I walked in the door, I just felt overwhelmed with everything everyone had done.  So many small details and big details.  Taking the time to order decorations that were internationally shipped in so they were in English (and because Baby Showers aren't really a thing in Europe).  A homemade pin for me to wear and a designated spot on the comfiest chair.  Quizzes printed on themed paper.  Italian cake (!).  Oreo(!!) cupcakes (!).  Lemonade (!).  Games that were weeks in the planning.  Even presents!

I just sat there, looking around at those who came and who spent the time and money to make this beautiful thing ... for me, and feeling so darn grateful for them.  And undeserving of so much. 

I live far, far away from my family.  From my sisters.  From, well, the people who, in "my culture" would traditionally be the ones to throw me something like, well, a baby shower.  Paul and I, in a way, we've come to see ourselves as being a little bit on our own over here.  But today...today when I was told that they had tried to make a real American-style baby shower for me...today I learned that we're not alone and that there really are people here who care about us.  Who actually take time out of their own busy, crazy, amazing lives to do things like make themed party gift bags in our honor.  Who will bike all the way across town to go to a party that I'll be at-- ... maybe even because I'll be there.  Who freely and happily offer to let us borrow things like entire cribs or car seats or piles of baby clothes or just good, plain advice.

I guess I learned that, just maybe, we might have want to friends afterall.

And right now, right now especially, that means more than anything in the world to me.