"When In (or Going To) Rome"

 

You may not believe me (especially because of this one post I wrote), but I really don't buy clothes.

I hate shopping, actually.  I have one pair of jeans which I wear with a varied assortment of 6-year-old undershirts and a few 5-year-old sweaters/tops.  How do I know this?  I know this because all of the shirts I wear have H&M tags and the last time I went to H&M was when I lived in Boston.*  So there.

I have three coats.  This may sound excessive.  But, I got two of them for free from roommates that didn't want them (six and eight years ago) and another black winter coat that my mom bought for me seven years ago. They are used for cold weather and really cold weather.  Spring weather is what hoodies are for.

Two pairs of boots (bored yet?):  one waterproof pair for rainy days, one lined pair for snowy or freezing cold days.  Three pairs of flats that I abuse horribly in the summer by never wearing socks and wearing them every single day everywhere.  They are, as some would say, "shot."

I'm usually cool with this arrangement.  When my cardigans get holes in the seams, I sew them.  When my undershirts get holes in them, I keep them unless the holes fall in places that are actually seen.  When my socks get holes in them, I darn them.  ("Darn those socks!" I mutter, while I darn.) When my jeans get holes in them...I just buy a new pair of jeans.  I'm not that crazy!

HOWEVER!

We are going to Italy.  For ten days.  And dash it all if I was going to have immortalized pictures of me taken at the Trevi fountain in that light blue coat (that, can I just say, has always smelled weird) and those previously-white-now-brown-grey-shoes.  I would always look at those pictures and think, "Hey!  Remember that time...yeahhhhh that coat just smelled odd."

So, I just thought I'd let you know about a monumental event that happened in my life on Monday, when I went to Zara and spent two hours actually trying on clothes (WHAT?!) and deciding to buy some new things.  Granted, nothing I got was too incredibly cutting-edge. (Nope, I didn't get "those shoes.")  But I did get a few new, non-holy undershirts, a shirt with this spring's "color" in it (highlighter-yellow, if you must know), a pair of back-up jeans, and a light trenchcoat that doesn't smell weird that I can wear in spring weather (no hoodie for me in Rome!).

Can I just tell you, having not really ever budgeted for something like clothes before...ever..., that clothes seem really, absurdly expensive to me?  And I may have kept them in a pile in the living room for three days so I could stare at them and say things like, "I'm going to return these tomorrow" to Paul, every ten seconds? 

But, then I tried them on again, realized that I did, in fact, spend two hours of my life in a dressing room determining if they would be useful and worth it, and decided that I actually could keep them.

Baby steps.

Also, green jeans are always worth it.  

*I realized this was a lie after I wrote it.  I went to H&M here to buy a sweater one time.  I also bought Paul some thermal underwear there for Christmas.  I confess.

Your Fashion Guru with a Prophecy

I wasn't always this trendy

Unfashionable Heidi is unfashionable.  So they say.

But I have a sure-fire way for me to predict what the latest trend is going to be in the states come next fall or even Spring 2013 (depending on where you live).  It's the same sure-fire way I predicted ballet flats and skinny jeans way back in 2004.

Step 1: Live in Europe.
Step 2: Observe.
Step 3: Pick out the things that a minority of "put together" people are wearing that look completely and utterly ridiculous to you.
Step 4: Tell everyone in the states (who will no doubt not believe you at first) that this is the next best thing.

See, believe it or not, I was in London when Mango and Zara and the boutique shops in Chelsea were selling their, as I called them from my mother's vocabulary, "peg-leg jeans" and flimsy-lookin' metallic and brightly colored ballet flats.  I thought it was the most horrifically confusing look anyone had ever put together.

"Who wears bright blue shoes with weird elasticky tops for heaven's sake?!" I thought, dweebishly.

I knew that I would feel like a dweebish dork from nerdland trying to pull it off (and that's the ticket right there.  When I say "I will look like a dweeb" that's your cue to go and buy that thing right at this very moment).

Because, you see, 2004 was the era of boot-cut jeans, long levi skirts, dainty versions of sneakers, and brown-leather cloggy boots.  I could pull that off because everyone else already had!  Safe.  I'm good at safe.

The skinny jeans and the ballet flats I just couldn't get behind in 2004 because it was, you know, risky.   BUT, in a fit of complete Bacchanalian insanity ("I'm in Europe I'm going to be craaaazzyyy!"), I actually bought and brought home a pair of black, beaded ballet flats from Europe and lo and behold, they became the coolest thing I ever owned within three months.

People stopped me on the street to ask me where I got them.  I was, like, straight outta the Utah version of The Sartorialist. (is that an oxymoron?)   Superstaaaaar!

So, I'm here to prophesy the next big American trend.  You doubty doubters may doubt, but I'm telling you. This is a thing!  It is a thing that my friend Geraldine from France is wearing and GERALDINE is from FRANCE you hear me?  

Ready?  Here it is!  Straight from the Zara's mouth:

Yeup.

Something that looks very, very much like a men's dress shoe is the next thing over there, guys.

I'm so serious.  I'm so deadly serious.

And you wear them with skinny jeans, please.  Or even a skirt in the summer if ya like.    Oh, and don't show sock.  That is not acceptable.

I know.  I see this and I think
"I WILL LOOK LIKE A DWEEB!"
(really loud.  Like a really, really loud scream.)
But.  That's your cue, people.
(zara.com)

I have Prophesied.  Go in Peace.
(from rockstardiaries)

Last Night at the Aquahaus

Darn Paul and his Darn Glasses

I'm totally blaming this whole thing entirely on Paul and something he said about a month ago:

I remember it because it was completely and utterly and entirely and freakishly out of character for the man.

He said,