This Is A Real Letter

Today, Paul.  


As in, just five minutes ago (though, technically, it could have been thirty minutes or an hour ago, it's all very unclear), I reached a level of culinary mastery that very few people ever aspire to, let alone achieve.

I have just succeeded in burning three boiled eggs to little, blackened, exploded, crispy, carbonized balls of ash.

I know, I know--what a marvelous thing.

Subsequently, I have lost all desire towards using the oven or stove or, in fact, entering the kitchen for any reason at all in the forseeable future.  This is, of course, because my mortal eyes cannot withstand the glory of my prowess that still glows brightly therein...also it smells like campfire and sour milk and ozone.

So perhaps, in celebration of my culinary achievement tonight, we could make a visit to our esteemed Edeka Grocer for no fewer than five Oreo Milka Chocolate Bars and then parade onwards to our Doberaner Kebab Shop where we will toast my bright, bright, ruined-saucepan future with some lamb-meat pitas and a shared bottle of schorle.

Triumphantly,

Heidi

So You Want to Make Some German Food?

I know, I know.  This is pretty much the first thing most people think when they wake up in the morning.

"Shoot!  Today I really want some cabbage!"

I get it.  I really do.  And I'm here to help.

So, let's start with the all-time easiest German dish you can make:  Gurkensalat.  aka Cucumber Salad.

All German food joke irony aside, this is actually frakin' amazing stuff.  You're going to look at the ingredients and go, "I....I...don't know...about...this ideaaaaa..."  But, you have to put your trust in me.  My first name is German.  See?  Trust me. ::I am patting your arm with reassurance::

Also, it's super cheap to make and takes about two minutes.  So check it:

Gurkensalat 

(The Heavenly Cucumber Salad of Dreams)

1 (English) cucumber, or 2 reg. American cucs

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 tablespoon sugar

1 tablespoon vinegar (pref. cider vinegar)

dry or fresh parsley, for added optional loveliness

*Step 1*  Peel the cucumber (but leave little bits of the peel on places.  It's an added loveliness thing.)

*Step 2* Slice the cucumber as thinly as you can.  Aim for see-through-it-ed-ness.

*Step 3* Mix everything together in a bowl (add parsley option just on top).

*Step 4* Eat it.  Super fast.  It's that good.

Last Night at the Aquahaus

Tandem

Uni-Rostock Mensa

I have a friend named Elizabeth.  She's from Medellin, Colombia, and we have lunch together twice a week because that's part of our Tandem agreement.

In Germany, there's an idea that everyone understands called "Tandem."  Think of it like two-way bartering.  One person has something the other one wants, and so does the other person.  So, you trade.  In our case, I know how to speak English and Elizabeth knows Spanish.  She needs to practice English and I need to practice Spanish.  And so a Tandem was born.

We went to the Mensa today, which is a university cafeteria.  We had mashed potatoes (pude de papas/Kartoffelpüree), pork (carne de cerdo, Schweinefleisch), and vegetables (verduras/Gemüse).  We talked about food and vacations and weather, todo auf Spanisch.

Tandem is totally messing up my head.  I can't help but throw in German words between Spanish words.   Ich habe una problema.  The most repeated offenses today went something like, "Ja! Yes! Sí!"  or "aberrrrr...I mean pero!"

Elizabeth gets it though.  And we can generally understand each other no matter what.  Understanding is always way easier than speaking. So we get weird looks when we walk down the street, her speaking Spanish and me answering in English. And then we laugh and say, "Alles gut!"

And did you know that Elizabeth's boyfriend is on a championship Water Rugby team?!  Did you even know that was a thing?!

It is!!!

You can break your leg and drown at the same time!  Fun!  I'll have to ask her at our next Tandem about how you can spectate that sort of thing.  And how do the refs ref?  Are there underwater sonar whistles (Unterwasser-Pfeifen/silbatos bajo de agua)?!  Do you know?!  I need to know.

Also, this is the biggest cookie sheet I can find here!  Das ist a problema también!

  

Pulling Up Roots

Today I went to water my garden--the garden I've been working in for three years now, and I noticed the signs of September.  The onion tops were flopped over, parts of the tomatoes were turning yellow, the parsley had bolted and tall umbels were full of seeds.  It's time to pull up the roots.

Ohhh Tuna, Tuna, Tuna Starts with T!

This ain't your grandma's tuna.

Or...maybe it actually is more like your grandma's tuna and it ain't your childhood tuna.  But at any rate, this is a fresh caught tuna loin and ohhhh, do I have plans for it tonight.  You might even say I have designs on it.

First Harvest

Yeah baby!  We're makin' fajitas and salsa and guacamole and homemade ranch dressing tonight!

  

**Candy onions, dill, parsley, cilantro. 50 million heads of lettuce (not pictured)